There is a song that I have gone back to consistently for the past year. The song captures a conversation between a follower of Christ and God. “Dear God” by Cory Asbury always makes me emotional because it speaks so clearly to the relationship I have with God.
“Dear God, I’ve been chasing their approval and it’s killing me”
Dear God, Cory Asbury
There will always be that little boy trying to get a father’s approval that will never come that lives inside of me. I always thought my greatest joy in life would come in silencing him.
Silencing the little boy would mean making him proud of me.
I wish I could sit 8 year-old me down and tell him how much Bill loves him. I wish I could tell him how much his mom loves him. I wish I could tell him how much Miss Cofer loves him. I wish I could tell him how much Alex, Ryan, Candice, Michael, Andrea, and David love him. Most importantly, I wish I could tell him how much God loves him. How much God loves me.
But that chance will never come and the little boy will always be there. I am not afraid of that. It is a gift that God has given me that drives me to work harder. (Genesis 50:20) It is a chip on my shoulder that I choose to use to motivate me. In the 20 years since the little boy started trying so hard, I have learned that I have an adoptive father on earth and an adoptive Father in Heaven that love me unconditionally. One was willing to take the little boy in as his own while the other was willing to send His Son to die for his sins.
“And dear child
Dear God, Cory Asbury
I hope you know how much I love you and I’m proud of you
And please believe
The thoughts I have for you will never change or fade away
And when you felt like giving up
I never did”
James Dubuisson 